Ask a Mirror

High school is a tree. Roots stretching deep beneath the soil, like a young freshman staggering around on the first day of classes. Eventually this freshman will grow up and learn the ways of life, like the little leaves on the tree. When these leaves fall in the fall, the freshman will graduate and take a step into the immense beyond, into the winds of life. Like the tree, high school will prepare you for everything you need to know about life — What does the world owe you for your efforts? What can you expect from your first big...

Wait a second, I'm having deja vu... and I don't think anyone's changed the Matrix. When I was here, I remember getting so tired of extended, hippie tree metaphors. Must've jarred something loose. Or maybe you've all heard a thousand-and-one cookie cutter speeches already — if I do nothing else tonight, I won't continue to insult your intelligence. I also won't pretend to have all the answers man, but my frantic handful of years since leaving Larkin have given me a bit of perspective on what I think is important for graduating seniors and for all of us. Please take this with a huge a grain of salt. Everything I'm going to tell you is wrong, really.

I think Americans have become culturally complacent, living in a sort of social isolation while our precious pop culture stomps around the world. We can stay sheltered here on our continent, marveling at the beauty of our great country, but this is not enough. If you consider yourself strong enough to live a life making decisions that actually affect people — Then I ask you to see the world. Avoid that comfortable unspoken xenophobia, since recent events prove our every days lives are affected by the rest of the world. If you remember nothing else from this excuse for a speech, please make every effort to see the world. Nothing will teach you more, and give you more stories to tell, than experiencing another 12 or 13 cultures first-hand. Obviously this doesn't mean staying at the Hyatt in Paris — you'll be absolutely amazed at the value of a couple hundred dollars spent bouncing from train to train in Germany, hitchhiking across Brazil, or clubbing in Tokyo. No money and no time will always be the easy excuses of idle people — but they are never the right ones.

So enough of the wanderlust soapbox! As my younger brother was leaving for college, I lent him a bit of rushed knowledge. Adam didn't know much less than I did at the time, but an older brother has certain “cultural roles” to be upheld. So naturally I spewed some Hallmark card gibberish about Animal House or wearing flip-flops in the shower, or friends. Well of course, this last gibberish about friends ended up being one of the best things I ever told my brother, so here it is: even a semester or two of college will reveal your true friends. I guarantee each of you will be very surprised with who you'll still be speaking with in a couple years. This is not meant to be depressing, but just a little wake-up call so you are not surprised ending up a little lonely in college.

One of the things I learned in Mrs. Wieg's English class (besides how use an overhead) was a funny quote by Mark Twain. He said, “never let school interfere with your education.” This may sound trite, but take to heart these words of a revered American author — it is far too easy to be spoon-fed the same viewpoints and opinions as our parents' generation. The children of the baby boomers have given us a great opportunity to learn about a world of sugar n' spice, piss n' vinegar, hair metal n' hip-hop. Life is precious, and the chance to spend some of our time in an environment of higher learning (college or otherwise) is valuable beyond measure. Be polite, but you owe it to whoever's footing the bill ("ahem" to parents) to ask questions — don't ever take anything at face value. Remember that college faculty work for you, since tuition pays their salaries. If your professors don't know the answer, ask the deans. If you stump the academics, ask your fellow students. And if you've really found an earth-shaking question, go camping in the woods, and ask the moon or a piece of driftwood or your walkman, or whatever! Don't ever fear being radical. Every great thinker, every truly superb athlete, and every brilliant artist has had in common two qualities: humility, and the willingness to take risks. And these qualities are not in-borne — they have almost nothing to do with genetics. Be willing to fail, but do it gracefully and with style — that's the only way to learn. If you are not humble or not willing to take risks, remember — people can change.

Each of my brightest and most creative friends still don't know what they want to be when they grow up. If you've already found a dream that you can chase, then I commend you on your direction and wish you luck. But, my inner cynic guesses that a couple of years in college might wipe away any delusions of career grandeur. Let me catch myself before I seem like a grouch — it's just that we tend to let other people dictate the rules of happiness for us. Never let anyone define success for you. The pursuit of material stuff might very well end up being important in your life. But you need to make that call. Every morning I walk by a hundred miserable people on their way to work — investment bankers, actors, lawyers, firemen, dot-comers, whatever. Too many people are stuck living a life without passion.

You will eventually make an educated guess at what might bring you happiness for seventy years, give-or-take. (Learning how to make this guess is the purpose of college, by the way.) Once you've made this guess, it's time for some introspective homework: Write down your guess — write down what you love to do. Then, make a list of the things you're good at. This has nothing to do with grades, nothing to do with hobbies — you know what you're good at — just ask a mirror. Then finish the puzzle by making a list of careers that combine your passions and your talents, the two other things you've written down. And then pick one!

If money ends up being important, then rest assured that you will be financially stable, since you are doing what you're good at anyway, “working” where you excel. So maybe you will end up in law school... But maybe you'll become a painter on a mountain in Nepal, or mayble you'll end up catering your sister's graduation party. No matter what, you should give yourself the chance to be happy.

Life is not fair. No one deserves to live passionately, and the world does not owe you anything. If you expect to wait for the rest of your life to be discovered, shining and perfect on a silver platter, then remember a story by Dennis Leary: (I've had to clean it up a bit since I'm in a high school.) Improvise the story about being killed by a dropping poodle. You are forever known as the “Poodle Man: Killed by Best Friend” Hey, anything can happen. Have the courage to by happy. And for a moment of Zen, remember that the pursuit of happiness is the goal.

A recent, controversial child psychology study suggests that parents actually play very little direct role in deciding a child's personality. On the contrary, the peers with whom parents permit a young child to associate are the major factor. In other words, how you interact with the world is determined by your siblings and friends. Whether or not this finding is completely true (eat your heart out, Dr. Spock), human beings are malleable and changing creatures. Even if a person consciously avoids the habits and styles of her peers, she cannot help but still be influenced. So, what's my point? Surround yourself with what you want to be. In pursuing your guess at happiness, make an effort to be around people who inspire you. “You are who you know” is so very true, but we play an active role. If you want to be a film critic, hang around people who are opinionated about movies. If you want to be an activist, read books from the sixties and go to school in California. Anyone can make connections. Just take some risks, and be humble.

So, thank you for listening. I genuinely hope this has been better than... talking about trees. Congratulations, Larkin Class of 2002. I truly wish each of you good fortune, and may you live in interesting times. Peace out.