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The house at 1017 Garnett Place in EvIL. One time residence of D-Man, Ryobi, Props, Token Female Roommate, T-Bone, Burger, L-Dog and Izu. D-Man owned the house during this time. | |||||||||
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To have attained a sudden, admirable understanding of life. First heard in Swingers, and usually employed while under the influence of firewater. Usage: He's all growns up, he's all growns up! I would never eat here anyway... | |||||||||
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Software text editor setting under which certain recognized words are automatically displayed in an alternate color. More specifically, said mode under EMACS which visually resembles a bizarre submission to a church pot-luck. | |||||||||
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(see NU) | |||||||||
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Boston. One-time residence of Izu, home of the greatest baseball team ever, and all-around kick ass place. Location of the infamous 1017 millenium party. | |||||||||
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Weep Nin-ie Bong? |
The universal greeting. | |||||||||
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Catching a glimpse of a roommate's genitalia via loose-fitting boxer shorts. Not that this ever happened... | |||||||||
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Often used as a verb in reference to the fetching of said beverage. Usage: Hey, beer me while you're in the kitchen. | |||||||||
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Props' alter-ego which reveals itself only after he drinks much firewater. Betty quickly proceeds to cook everything in the kitchen, preferably twice-baked potatoes or couscous. Also mixes terrible, terrible drinks. | |||||||||
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The mildest issue suffered by most of Props' and Ryobi's ex-girlfriends. | |||||||||
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A female. | |||||||||
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Bendable over chair. Adjective describing a particularly sexually-attractive female. | |||||||||
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Trombone player in NUMB. When plural, refers to the loosely-knit drinking club of said musicians. | |||||||||
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Unrealistic or exceptional. Often refers to a bird's amazingly... "fit" body. | |||||||||
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Drew. SAIC undergrad and male prostitute. Turns into the Hulk if you call him Andy. Do not feed. | |||||||||
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Chicago, the greatest place in the world. The big city you can actually live in; less pretentious than Satan's Asshole and less sprawling that Los Angeles. Ryobi is petitioning to move The Man's capital to Chicago. | |||||||||
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(see Circular Definition) | |||||||||
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An employee of ThoughtWorks, a medium-sized consulting firm headquartered in Chitown. Compared to most consultancies, ThoughtWorks is relatively liberal. Compared to most fascist states, ThoughtWorks is conservative. | |||||||||
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To have sex. Particularly applicable to the initiator of said activity. Can be confusing for those familiar with this term's drug association. | |||||||||
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Alternative nickname for Woodsy, based on his current hairstyle. | |||||||||
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Me Enough |
The penultimate source of male anguish, as all relationship difficulties can be distilled to this postulate. Especially applicable to females infected by The Virus. | |||||||||
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The Daily Northwestern, NU's excuse for a student newspaper. Sensationalist, inaccurate and leftist; the paper would be completely ignored if anyone cared. For some reason, it is considered one of the best college newspapers in the nation. | |||||||||
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The state of digestive organs in violent protest. Usage: Curry puts the devil in my ass. | |||||||||
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The one day per year that NU comes close to being a state school. Students from nearby universities (and jailbait from ETHS) squat the lakefill on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend for drunken revelry, music and to be rained upon. An excellent tradition of drinking a beer in the shower on Dillo Day morning was started by L-Dog several years ago. Don't eat the sausage. | |||||||||
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John D. Corporate whore and world traveler. Voluntarily drinks stingers, since they "put hair on your nutsack." | |||||||||
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Evanston, Illinois. A pretentious suburb north of Chicago in denial of its purpose as a college town. Home of NU, brutally difficult parking, and a nearly nonexistent night-life. | |||||||||
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Neighbor to the denizens of 1017, fellow computer science major, and 1999 campus president. Currently works for the Evil Empire. Caused a controversy when he won the presidency of a "top-ten" university based on a joke platform. A vital part of this platform was to give reparations to the People of the Lake, who had been displaced by NU. | |||||||||
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Microsoft. The largest software development company and scapegoat for the woes of the world. This blame is usually warranted, depending on whether L-Dog is in the room. | |||||||||
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Word yelled to interrupt a conversation that has moved far beyond anything resembling human decency. | |||||||||
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Having naturally or artificially red pubic hair. | |||||||||
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Liquor. Term typically used by Woodsy and Props, who are of dubious Native American ancestry. Usage: Hate the firewater; hate it. | |||||||||
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State of an underwear-lacking male. Or a male wearing boxers while infected by The Virus. | |||||||||
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Traditional footwear of the denizens of 1017. The precedent was established at their first few parties. | |||||||||
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Undergraduate computer science laboratory at ILS. L-Dog has left a permanent psychic impression on the place. | |||||||||
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Alternatively playing video games, role-playing, playing an overly-complicated board game like Axis & Allies, watching sci-fi, or using the "-p" suffix. Or all of the above at once. | |||||||||
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(see Props) | |||||||||
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Human immunodefinciency virus. The term is pronounced this way ("the hiv") for its incredible capability to offend others. | |||||||||
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The original Star Wars film trilogy. The defining myth of our generation. NU professor Jacob Kinnard once gave a lecture on the Hindu ascetic basis of the Holy Trilogy's venerable jedi. | |||||||||
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Abbreviation for "... I'd like to fuck." Never actually spelled out, but pronounced with an appropriate single-letter prefix. Common usages are MILF for "mother I'd like to fuck" and SILF for "sister I'd like to fuck." Note that this euphemism was popular across the midwest years before the film American Pie was released. | |||||||||
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The more bureaucratic faculty of NU's computer science department. Dedicated to preserving the department's unhealthy emphasis on artificial intelligence. | |||||||||
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Institute for the Learning Sciences. A modern office building on the west edge of NU's EvIL campus. Houses the computer science department, geek lab, and any number of research lackies. The home away from home for many computer science students. | |||||||||
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Sex. Popularized in the much-admired Kubrick film, A Clockwork Orange. Note that seeing this movie makes for an exceptionally-poor first date. | |||||||||
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Originally a more cozy way to refer to the mental disorders of certain females. Now it refers
to the mental disorders of every* female. * Except our mothers, sisters, current significant others, token female roommates, and KOE. |
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Jon W. Eighty hour week game programmer and professional alcoholic. The source of much envy since he actually loves his job. | |||||||||
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Jagermeister. Dark green, German firewater of undescribable taste. The bottle is usually chilled to freezing level and then passed around for sips. The mascot firewater of NUMB. | |||||||||
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Possibly the only member of the 1017 ilk that is consistently referred to by her real name. Medill alumni, runway model and closet geek. At all costs, keep away from shotguns. | |||||||||
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The letter which begins the name of every woman in Props' life. Only a slight exaggeration — Kate, Katie, Katherine, Kat, Kirsten, Kristen, Kristin... | |||||||||
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Sports bar meat-market in EvIL. Known for its huge crowds, terrible music and pathetic ID policy. One of the last bastions of night-life in EvIL. | |||||||||
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The best Classics teacher at NU, and arguably the greatest professor to ever live. Currently a graduate law student at "that other Chicago school." Has the rare distinction of actually liking good movies. Referred to by Props and his ilk by pronouncing her initials ("koh-ee"), although she does not condone this. | |||||||||
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In 1965, NU began expanding its campus by dredging topsoil into Lake Michigan to literally create more land. The result is a beautiful, park-like expanse along the lake that serves as space for Dillo Day and many sporting events. Seeing the lakefill may single-handedly be responsible for any number of undergrads voluntarily attending the university. | |||||||||
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One of the last of the great 1017 parties. Themed around jazz, Swingers, and seeing girls in dresses. Hosted by D-Man as bartender and Props as hors devours chef. Noted as being one of the precious few themed house parties that did not suck. Izu was actually spotted at said event wearing a suit. | |||||||||
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Lacrosse. Aggressive hobby of Izu and fellow demons on this plane of existence. | |||||||||
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Short for lying cheating whore. Could never refer to women from the Jersey Shore. | |||||||||
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Lars. Soldier of the Evil Empire and Jesus impersonator. Imports Peet's coffee into the Seattle area, and actually admits to owning an Infiniti. | |||||||||
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Nickname of a certain ex-girlfriend, associated with a story involving her green-and-red striped tights and an orgasm. | |||||||||
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Word often yelled for no particular reason. Originally, the obnoxious answer given to the Holy Trilogy trivia question: "Snub-nosed fighters are the only way to penetrate the defenses of what?" This particular game of trivia was played while waiting fourteen hours in line for tickets to the first Holy Trilogy prequel. (Thanks Ryobi!) | |||||||||
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To please sexually. Overused quote from the film Can't Hardly Wait. Usage: But you don't know how to make me say big papa! | |||||||||
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Any location which exists solely to connect predatory males with impressionable, pseudo-jailbait birds. Usually refers to frat houses or The Keg. | |||||||||
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Board game which leads to more violence than a Scottish rugby match when played by Jen and Props. | |||||||||
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Sauce & Mayonnaise |
Traditional chasers of tequila, according to already-drunk Woodsy and Props. | |||||||||
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The all-purpose response to any query. Very rarely has any consistent meaning, but its roots lie in a flippant dismissal of the need for female companionship. | |||||||||
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Northwestern University. Robbing you blind since 1851. "Like having a well-liked, beautiful older sister who hates you." Referred to as NWU by people who kan't spell. | |||||||||
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NU's Marching Band. The undisputed masters of punctual drinking, for as a group they believe any available keg might be the last in the world. | |||||||||
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Suffix applied to any word, roughly meaning "would you like to...?" For example, pizza-p (pronounced "pee-za-pee?") means "Want to order pizza?" The source of this suffix is the Scheme programming language's tradition of using the -p suffix on predicate functions (functions that return true or false). | |||||||||
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Magic the Gathering. The infamous, geeky collectible card game with terrifying addictive properties. | |||||||||
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Race of proto-humans displaced when NU created the lakefill. Represented in our world by President Evil Dave. Two of these People (looking very much like Izu and Props) guarded fellow diety, Jesus Christ (L-Dog), at Evil Dave's induction ceremony. | |||||||||
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Kate. NU dance major who shouldn't be avoided just because she grew up in Satan's Asshole. Often embellished as the "buff pixie." | |||||||||
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Ryan. Second Lieutenant in The Man's army and closet geek. Despises the nickname, hence its persistence. Do not refer to his frat as a "frat" or he will launch into a diatribe about the mythical philanthropic aspects of the Greek system. | |||||||||
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Ben. Corporate whore and full-time defender of his heterosexuality. Refuses to accept that Audrey Hepburn is dead. | |||||||||
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Short for pussy whipped. To be obsessed with your female significant other, excluding all logic and reason. This usually leads to becoming engaged. | |||||||||
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The United States Government. More specifically the Federal Reserve Bank, where Ryobi is enslaved. | |||||||||
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Desperate female looking for a suitable PW'ed mate to hitch. That to which so many aspire, without concern for sanity or happiness. Usage: Yeah, she spent most of college working on her MRS Degree. | |||||||||
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To unknowingly be dosed by the knock-out drug rohypnol. Usually occurs at NU frat parties. At one point, NU was informally known as the "roofy capital of the world." | |||||||||
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Jon E. Slave of The Man and one-time bonehead. Spends his free time reading tactical war manuals. Yeah, seriously. | |||||||||
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The most debated term in this lexicon. Has several conflicting definitions, depending upon the speaker. Ostensibly refers to, in a complimentary manner, the aroused female genitalia. The actual meaning is obscured by Props' drunken memory, but it has something to do with witchcraft, a psychotic ex-girlfriend, and a blanket. | |||||||||
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School of the Art Institute of Chicago. A mysterious place where Burger spends much of his time. All other information is classified. | |||||||||
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Being in a bitchy mood. Coined when several bitter 1017-ites were sitting around drinking firewater and bitching about moving. Usage: Man we were all so salty last night! | |||||||||
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Manhattan. May also refer to the whole of New York City or to the entire state of New York. | |||||||||
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Social gathering at which the male-to-female ratio drastically favors straight women and gay men. | |||||||||
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(see Crank) | |||||||||
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The majority of Props' music collection. Note that the two words are always used together. | |||||||||
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A bizarre spectacle, occurring only after Ryobi and Woodsy have imbibed ridiculous amounts of firewater, usually Jager. Tradition dictates it occurring in the living room of 1017, but other public displays have been noted. | |||||||||
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Particularly attractive, exotic and/or sexy female. Often followed by "...little [insert-ethnicity-here] number." Usage: Oh she's a spicy little Latin number. | |||||||||
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Mainstay of the Imperial navy, a 1600 meter long starship manufactured at the Kuat Drive Yards. Also the domain name of Izu's web site (see stardestroyer.com). | |||||||||
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The inevitable amount of spare change that is given to the various homeless residents of EvIL. | |||||||||
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The single greatest film ever made. Can also be used as an adjective for anything that resembles the vocabulary or habits of the film. Usage: The Lava Lounge was such a swingers night. | |||||||||
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Tara. Game-programmer and the second Token Female Roommate. Grew up in New Jersey but actually has a hairstyle from this decade. | |||||||||
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(see Sacred Holiness) Usage: Wait, are we talking about the hole? | |||||||||
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Not Be, The |
A certain, ill-mentioned ex-girlfriend. Now a drop-out, bipolar, mother of |
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Lisa. Struggling Medill alumni and victim of being a middle child. Denies being a princess, even though she refused to clean the bathroom for several months. | |||||||||
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Breasts. Female. Large. | |||||||||
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(see Props) | |||||||||
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Professional, single woman living in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chitown. Characterized by a man-hating demeanor, Jetta ownership, and a creepy Starbucks fetish (see lptrixie.com). | |||||||||
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Troy and Loala, long-term couple and Seatle natives. He is an ex-bartender and she wears very shiny shirts. Have been known to steal Props and dance all night in dark warehouses. Forced to move to Los Angeles for law school, the single most depressing occurrence since Props hung that one painting over the mantle. | |||||||||
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The Borders bookstore at 830 North Michigan in Chitown, on the Magnificant Mile. Called such because of its enormous size and tendency to empty the wallets and schedules of Props and his ilk. | |||||||||
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George Lucas, creator of the Holy Trilogy. | |||||||||
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Props' heartbreaker, her real name and identity are not spoken of. Names have power. | |||||||||
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Playing Vampire: The Masquerade, the only activity probably more geeky than paper crack. Usually followed by a vehement bashing of LARPing ("No we don't mope around while wearing too much makeup pretending to actually be interesting!"). Until a recent exception, every couple that Vamped together quickly fell into a nasty break-up... | |||||||||
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Someone who has not seen the Rocky Horror Show performed live. Admitting to being such results in a certain economist being thrown a plastic dildo from across the theatre. | |||||||||
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Competitive roller skating, an activity slightly more addictive and self-destructive than crack cocaine. | |||||||||
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One-time faculty director of NU's undergraduate chemistry lab. Infamous for being "retired" after a squable of dubious propriety with a bird. Might threaten you with being squished if you leave the lab. | |||||||||
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Short for wet hole. Perhaps the most derogatory term for a woman ever devised. It's origins are clouded in intentional obscurity. | |||||||||
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Dave. Corporate whore and co-founder of skinny guy wrestling. Primary requisite for a mate: firecrotch. | |||||||||
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A day that should have never occurred, and has thus been stricken from the record of history. No one is permitted to even mention the day itself, let alone the actual events of said day. | |||||||||
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Having an intense attraction for Asian women, as a result of their purported exotic and/or trustworthy natures. | |||||||||